Tips to Help to Communicate With Aging Relatives

The Easter Holiday is quickly approaching which makes it a great time for adult children to check in on parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Holidays provide an unassuming way to leisurely observe a loved one’s behavior; cleanliness, medication adherence, driving abilities, eating habits, types of food they buy, and their ease of mobility.

Holiday family gatherings and other special occasions are the times when family and friends come together—all of them present opportunities to talk with loved ones about concerns. These opportune times allow for additional family members’ involvement which can help ease the stress of the conversation.

When addressing a loved one, observation and careful attention to problems is your first course of action. Although it’s hard to avoid, try not to diagnose the situation and decide (alone) on a solution. Approach your relative with a sense of partnership to help him/her find a solution rather than telling them what to do.

Adult children know it’s difficult to talk with elderly parents about certain topics, but here are a few tips that help guide the sensitive conversation.

Preparing for the Conversation

Prior to talking with an older relative, gather your thoughts:

(Before having a conversation, know that you and the loved ones will disagree on somethings but that is ok.)

• Get yourself ready.

• Think about the conversation.

• Write a letter to yourself or the relative.

• Make a list of questions for them and schedule a time.

• Practice with a friend.

• Share your emotional concerns.

• Assure them that you do not want to take over their affairs.

• Let them know you’re worried about their driving, or unhealthy eating habits, and you want to offer an alternate arrangement.

What to Remember

• Be patient.

• Don’t control the conversation.

• Don’t judge.

• Nothing is set in stone.

• Every attempt is valuable.

• Don’t cover all issues at once.

Why It’s Important to Have the Talks

Older relatives are afraid of being a burden. Remember that it’s very difficult for one to admit they are losing their independence. When we speak of things that make older relatives uncomfortable and afraid, ultimately they fear being forced to leave the home they love. It is beneficial to remind them that there are services available like in-home care that can put off moving into a facility.

Research Conversation Starters

Know Your Options – Learn about the different types of senior care and in-home care options. Know what’s available in your relative’s home town and local community.

Make Connections – If you live near the relative’s community, meet face-to-face with home care providers without the relative. Keep your relative’s lifestyle in mind during the search and visits. If your loved one likes to participate in a special activity, find a home care agency or professional caregiver that provides transportation. Ask the providers if you can meet the staff and their caregivers. Once you narrow the choices down, you can return for a visit with your parent or schedule an in-home care assessment.

Word of Mouth – Remember word of mouth referrals are the best. Ask your friends for referrals. If you can, ask your loved one’s physician and minister, if they attend a spiritual or religious organization, a mosque or a synagogue. Remember that social media outlets are a goldmine for referrals.